Eirikur x Fridge
by Italy Vargas
Summary: Iceland and Fridge fight over buttered larry the lawn flammingo , Larry the Lawn the Flammingo is owned by the Author,


It all started when our overrated adventurer, Eirikur Steilsson, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly concerned, Eirikur Steilsson slapped a ninja star, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he realized that his beloved Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo was missing! Immediately he called his former lay, Fridge. Eirikur Steilsson had known Fridge for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Fridge was unique. He was intelligent though sometimes a little... oafish. Eirikur Steilsson called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Fridge picked up to a very happy Eirikur Steilsson. Fridge calmly assured him that most 3-legged wallabies grimace before mating, yet albino cats usually surreptitiously yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Eirikur Steilsson. Why was Fridge trying to distract Eirikur Steilsson? Because he had snuck out from Eirikur Steilsson's with the Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo only five days prior. It was a electric little Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Eirikur Steilsson got back to the subject at hand: his Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo. Fridge grimaced. Relunctantly, Fridge invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo. Eirikur Steilsson grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Fridge realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if Eirikur Steilsson took the time machine, he had take at least ten minutes before Eirikur Steilsson would get there. But if he took the Banana Boat? Then Fridge would be exceedingly screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Fridge was interrupted by five oafish flammingos that were lured by his Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo. Fridge yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling displeased, he randomly reached for his ripened avocado and randomly deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent-the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Banana Boat rolling up. It was Eirikur Steilsson.

-o0o-

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Eirikur Steilsson was out of the Banana Boat and went wildly jaunting toward Fridge's front door. Meanwhile inside, Fridge was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind his hammock. Fridge was stunned but at least the Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Fridge exotically purred. With a skillful push, Eirikur Steilsson opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling social outcast in a amphibious vehicle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Fridge assured him. Eirikur Steilsson took a seat ridiculously unclose to where Fridge had hidden the Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo. Fridge shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Eirikur Steilsson was distracted. Absolutely thrilled, Fridge noticed a selfish look on Eirikur Steilsson's face. Eirikur Steilsson slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Fridge felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when Eirikur Steilsson asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on Eirikur Steilsson's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet albino cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Eirikur Steilsson nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Fridge could react, Eirikur Steilsson carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo was plainly in view.

Eirikur Steilsson stared at Fridge for what what must've been seven millseconds. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Fridge groped earnestly in Eirikur Steilsson's direction, clearly desperate. Eirikur Steilsson grabbed the Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo and bolted for the door. It was locked. Fridge let out a curious chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Eirikur Steilsson,' he rebuked. Fridge always had been a little stupid, so Eirikur Steilsson knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Fridge did something crazy, like... start chucking live hand grenades at him or something. Happy as a frickin' monkey, he gripped his Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Fridge looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Eirikur Steilsson. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Eirikur Steilsson. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Fridge walked over to the window and looked down. Eirikur Steilsson was gone.

-o0o-

Just yonder, Eirikur Steilsson was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind Fridge's place. Eirikur Steilsson had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral flammingos suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo. One by one they latched on to Eirikur Steilsson. Already weakened from his injury, Eirikur Steilsson yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of flammingos running off with his Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo.

About nine hours later, Eirikur Steilsson awoke, his love handle throbbing. It was dark and Eirikur Steilsson did not know where he was. Deep in the arid bush, Eirikur Steilsson was abnormally lost. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he remembered that his Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo was taken by the flammingos. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized flammingo emerged from the fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the alpha flammingo. Eirikur Steilsson opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the flammingo sunk its teeth into Eirikur Steilsson's kidney. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Eirikur Steilsson's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than eight miles away, Fridge was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo. 'MY PRECIOUS!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened dangerous oil-soaked rag. With a skillful thrust, he buried it deeply into his taint. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Eirikur Steilsson... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Buttered Larry the lawn Flammingo that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant flammingos, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(


End file.
